The question caught me off guard. At a wedding earlier this year, I reconnected with some friends I hadn’t seen in ages, and one after another, they asked where I’d been and what I’d been up to. I didn’t quite know how to respond as it felt like such a loaded question. For days afterward, I kept thinking about why I couldn’t give a simple answer and why I hadn’t felt truly present over the past year. I just couldn’t place it.
Then, about a week later, the answer came to me. I was driving home from therapy, having spent my session talking about grief, when I finally found the words. I said aloud, “I’ve been absent because someone who once meant the world to me isn’t in the world anymore.” As soon as I said it, I was stopped at a red light, and my tearful gaze landed on a storefront sign that read, “CARSON.” Some might call it coincidence; I call it a sign. The literal and figurative sign I needed that day to remember that even though Carson isn’t physically here, I believe he’s listening, seeing, and knowing that his legacy lives on through all the people he was loved by.
I wanted to take a better picture of the sign to share with this story, but when I returned to the storefront, it was gone. I had to do a double take to be sure, but there was nothing left—only the faint outline of the rectangle where the sign had been. The sight was fleeting, much like life itself.
Since then, I’ve found myself asking ‘why not?’ more often, especially when faced with fear or doubt. Time and time again, I’ve noticed that living deliberately, as Carson did, is arguably the best way to truly live and feel alive.
Sarah Kiehle
