Why Not?
Family dynamics are always interesting, but you add a divorce into the mix and they get even more complicated. In the beginning, I kept my distance and tried to respect the new boundaries we were all creating. However, when it came to Carson and Trenor, things were different. Being an Aunt to the boys was and still is one of the greatest honors of my life. I have stood by, full of love and pride, watching as they went from small kids to adults and all the exciting stops along the way. The day after thanksgiving was a day I always looked forward to for weeks, movie and/or shopping, just for us 😊 Although the last one we leveled up, adding Emily into the mix and went to the rage room, still one of my favorite memories ever.
Sending care packages and texts, letting the kids know that no matter what, I would always be there for them. However, still keeping a safe distance… out of respect. Then of course…. It all changed. Carson’s passing was one of the most time stopping devastations that I have ever experienced. Traveling to Charlotte, Trenor let me hug him at least 100 times and said the sweetest things to me, which I will carry in my heart every single day. After this moment, I realized, I was missing out on one of the most important relationships in my life and I regret keeping a distance. I said to myself, “Why Not?” The Why Not philosophy to me is not just the desire to put on running shoes and run the distance, although I think of Carson every single time I am on the treadmill, to me it has been little moments. Booking a flight. Saying Yes to an adventure I would have questioned before. Having huge anxiety and doing something anyways. Sending a text to someone, just to let them know I was thinking of them. Little moments that have had huge impacts and every time I think “why not”, I can see Carson smiling.
Having a better relationship with Trenor is the brightest light that has come out of this. I am truly grateful for daily “connections (nyt…iykyk)”, the fun day in Philly, planning future trips, wedding talk, job help, remembering Carson (in sad and super funny ways) ………… all of it… I am grateful for every single facetime, text, and email.
I am thankful for every moment that I put someone else’s judgment, opinion, or negative thought out of my head and whisper to myself, “Why Not” and did the thing I wanted/needed to do.
Caryle Walton.
